and Crash again...

So much happens in life, that I find it hard to know how to respond to it all. My last post I spoke about the car accident that my (now ex) girlfriend was involved in. Since then, I have broken up with my ex-girlfriend and felt the immense ripping of a seperated relationship.

The decision was mutual and come to with much discussion and contemplation. I am grateful that we have a friendship still, very grateful.

Something I've noticed however over the last few days is my inevitable tendancy to react. I have been throwing around ideas in my head over the last year or so about the notion that as humans we generally "react" to what's happening around us or to us. I've found that this can be both beneficial and hindering depending on the circumstance. My first train of thought based on this was that reactions are on the most part unhealthy. I think I still believe this, but in many cases, reactions are necessary. Through seeing multiple psychiatrists/psychologists, I have learnt, which is now very obvious, that reactions such as fear are helpful in certain cases. For example, if you were to be walking too close to a cliff face and underfoot you should feel loose rocks that start tumbling down the steep cliff face, a healthy dose of fear (fight or flight) will tell you that you should probably move away from the edge.

What I have started to consider today is that as I said above, I generally have the "react" mode concreted to the ON position and forget that there are other options. The other option I have been thinking of is the "response" option. The response option works on many levels. During relationship conflict, through criticism, when we view injustice or other type stimuli.

I have considered this at length and know very well that it is much easier said than done. I know for example, now that I am single again I have jumped into "react" mode. I start to fear. This is a sure sign (I believe) of being in the 'react' state. I fear I am too old now to meet someone. I fear getting involved in a new relationship, I fear I made wrong choices, I fear I fear I fear!!!

Fear generally comes (for me) when I do not allow myself the time (mentally, emotionally and spiritally) to properly respond to what is happening. This has been made clear to me during a few occasions. When I have sat down, meditated and chosen to relax or be positive, my whole state of being alters. So this implies the element of choice. We need to CHOOSE whether we 'react' or 'respond'.

I guess I needed to write this, to help clarify my own thoughts on the matter, but I hope it made sense if anyone else out there happens across it.

React or respond???