The inner warrior!

I often feel ripped off that the childhood that I had ill prepared me for the now life that I live. This is probably not the healthiest way of thinking and in trying to crack the proverbial code, much pain, confusion and discomfort joins in.

In many ways, I can see where things may have gone astray, where my thinking, beliefs and reactions were formed and cemented into my "default" structures. It seems that re-wiring these defaults is much harder said than done.

I have, however, made progress over the past few years and that is a positive thing. The fact that I acknowledge that this is a positive thing in itself is movement. I have had a tendancy to ultimately think the worst, and in many cases sabotaged myself to get the outcome that is already in my head before it actually happens. CONFUSED???? Me too!

So anyway, I find that at another cross-road I need to dive into myself yet again and I can see now that I need to dive a little deeper. There is unfinished business that needs my attention. It's funny, there are times when I feel so strong, pumped and ready to go to those places like a soldier warrior, and other times when the mere thought of having to keep fighting brings me to my knees. But alas, this is what needs to be done. I am ready to face my demons, look them in the eye and bid them farewell.