Lazarus.

I've been thinking a bit about the story of Lazarus in the Bible. He was a good friend of Jesus and fell very sick and died. Jesus was a little way off, maybe two days walk and heard that his mate was not doing so well. He sent word that he would head over to Bethany but didn't arrive there till four days after Lazarus has died. Mary, Lazarus' sister said to Jesus, "Lord, if only you were here, our brother would still be alive." The story goes on and Jesus ends up bringing his friend back to life.

This story has got me thinking a lot about the way things in my life have died and the feelings and thoughts that come along with them. It has also nurtured some questions in my heart about the nature of God and Jesus. Does Jesus let things die, so that from the grave something new can be born? Does he mourn for our losses as we do? If we trust in Him, will things turn out ok in the end?

I can see through the gospels that Jesus wasn't about simply preventing death, but bringing new life to those who followed his way and believed in him. Instead of trusting in the worldly systems, structures and value systems, He calls us to believe in Him. He says, "I am the way, the truth and the life.".

I know for me, I struggle at the moment letting go. I know that things in this world are temporary and that ultimately, my Father in heaven is with me through all the hard times.

Maybe Jesus lets things die so we can learn more about who we are as humans and how we relate to ourselves, to others and to God.

I'm pretty sure that Jesus wasn't about living in a fluffy little bubble where we don't experience what it means to be fully human. Jesus himself came from a place of glory to dwell among us and to be fully human too. So it makes sense that he wants us to embrace our humanity and also our divinity at the same time.

I guess sometimes dying means cutting off old dead branches that do not produce any healthy fruit and need to go. But it's not always easy. When we sever off a part of ourselves that we've had for so long, there is pain and a sense of loss, even when what we lose is no longer beneficial.

For me, I feel at the moment, I am shedding old ways of thinking, old beliefs and old perseptions of who I am. I know I need this to happen to move forward and keep growing into the person my Maker sees. It is definately one of the hardest times I have faced, but also so amazing. There is a strong sense of direction in these times and I guess understanding that the journey is so vital, means I can live day to day, instead of focussing on an end point. Well that's the theory anyway. It's always easier said than done.

So as I come to terms with the old, dead parts of me, I anticipate the new-growth and what will follow.

Till I find my poncho....