Time and space.

My thoughts of late have been swinging somewhat toward the existential. What does this all mean? Where am I going? Who am I? All of these sorts of things. And I guess one of the big questions for me is 'how do I fit in to the world?'

My thoughts get clouded with the notion of time, that often I am thinking, ten steps ahead and lose track of the present moment. My worries aren't about today, but about an un-lived tomorrow. I can see this all around me as well. I remember when studying counselling, that we learnt one of the most common issues people will come in for is the worry of the unknown or un-lived. The tendancy to live one's live in the future is a common hurdle for people. I know it has been for myself.

When the doctors told me years and years ago that I would be blind by the age of `30, I started to map out my whole life. Married by 24, kids by 27 etc. There are a few problems with this type of thinking. Number one, it places a huge amount of pressure on someone to live up to the pre-planned goals. And two, in my case, it is a fear response. Obviously there is nothing wrong with forward thinking. In fact it is needed as to not trip over. But there is a great danger (I believe) in maticulously mapping out one's future path when life so very often has it's own little surprises.. For me, I never went blind at 30, I am still unmarried and have no children. Up until then though, I had had the fear of blindness, the fear of singleness, the fear of no children, the fear of the 'what if'.

Time, there is so much of it and so little of it. So I guess making each day count for something is a good idea. Not to become rigidly bound by it, but to use it to achieve our dreams (thanks urbanmonk for the reminder).

Till I find my poncho...